Watching American Idol with Nana

So, about a year or so ago I got the first season of American Idol which Nana and I watched together. I remember our favorite episode was "Band Night". But more so than that was Kelly Clarkson singing "Stuff Like That There". The first time we watched it we looked at each other and were like "WOW"! We watch it like three/four times in a row because we were impressed with not only the singing but the performance she gave. At the end of the season she said this was her favorite performance of the season so we watched it again.

My Tender Mercy

Elder Bednar (one of the twelve apostles) spoke in a conference session a couple years ago, (has it been that long?) about the tender mercies that come to us and testify that our Heavenly Father is VERY mindful of us individually.

As I've mentioned in a previous post, Nana wasn't very responsive in person the last few days. Fortunately, she was to family on the phone, but it was disheartening to be taking care of her and have very little interpersonal response. I was feeling a little sorry for myself and even mentioned it to her nurse.

Friday, a little bit after our Alex miracle, I left the room for something. As I re entered the room, She noticed me! She looked right at me, her eyes lit up, she even made sounds that indicated she was happy to see me!! I was surprised but, immediately responded,

"MOMMA, YOU KNOW WHO I AM!!

She smiled, as I ran over to her bedside, literally climbed over Ashley, jumped onto the couch so I could reach her face over the side rails of the bed! I kissed her, and she kissed me back! She looked at me as if to say, Thank you and I Love You! I kissed her again, and told her I loved her, too!

Natalie witnessed this excitement and said she wanted some kisses too, she ran over to the other side of the bed. Jon helped her get her cute little face over the railing. Nana smiled, puckered and kissed her too!

GG said she seemed to recognize RJ when he called later that night. But that was the last time I saw her responsive at all. She never regained consciousness the rest of that night or the next day!

I truly believe my Heavenly Father had a hand in that experience, to somehow, soften the blow her death would cause. I am truly Grateful for my knowledge of a loving Heavenly Father who manifests his love for me daily in my life!!

Baby Alex

As promised, I will tell the fun story that goes with this picture...

Throughout her last days, she really wasn't very coherent, or able to communicate very well. She would be awake, but not really there. I remember commenting that she would respond better to people on the phone than to me in person. (I was grateful for that in a lot of ways though, she was able to respond and recognize people that just couldn't be here. Both Danny & Denise were able to talk to her earlier in the week!) Every once in a while, I would get a definite, eh huh, but usually she just didn't respond or recognize me very well. And Everyday was getting less and less.

Friday, my brother David, Ashley, and sweet baby Alex showed up. Nana was awake but, again, not really "with" us. She was agitated and kept pulling her hands out of ours. Moaning and groaning. I wasn't sure if she knew who David was. I was feeling sad for him because he had driven the 3 hours to be with her and I was worried she wouldn't know he was here.

Baby Alex started crying and fussing. We could tell Nana heard him, but really didn't know what the sound was. David pulled him out of his seat and held him up to show her. It took her a minute but all of a sudden she was with us! She couldn't really say much, but her grunting and moaning was recognition, surprise, joy, and excitement!! David held him close enough for her to see him good and so I could hold her hand up to touch his hands, face and head! She started to show fear, we realized she was worried about us trying to put him in her arms. We assured her that she could just touch him, then she was fine. I called to Jon to grab the camera, but she was already fading back out as we got it out and took some pictures. It only lasted a few minutes, but it was joyous to see her enjoy his sweetness!! David did get a few moments as well.

It truly was a blessing for all of us to watch! I also saw recognition and an effort to respond to a phone call from her sister, Jackie. She had been on a cruise that week and called as soon as they got in. These last glimpses were truly miraculous for each of us. GG said that she responded to RJ on the phone that afternoon, as well.

I'll save my miracle for another post! :)

Invitation

I would like to extend an invitation to all who knew and loved my mom to share memories, fun times, things you learned from her, or feelings, etc with the rest of us. I think it would help all of us to remember her in a fun way!

If you are not already a contributor, please email me and I will add you.

I'm still planning on posting some pics and stories surrounding her final days and services. So stay tuned!

I hope to hear from you, either posts or comments!

Love to you all!!

Funeral Services

We are still working on the details of everything, but we have decided on...

Funeral
Friday, Oct 15th, 2010 at 11am
Bountiful 20th Ward Bldg
102 East 1400 South

Viewing
The night before (Thurs.) from 6 - 8pm
and the morning of at 10am.
Bountiful 20th Ward Bldg

She's Gone

My Sweet Momma passed away very peaceably in her sleep last night.

It was a very humbling and wonderful experience to be with her at her passing.

When I have a minute to breath, I will post a few stories about her last days.

We have no plans yet for the funeral but are looking at Thursday or Friday. I will post and call people as I know.

We are doing fine and appreciate your thoughts and prayers.

We love you!

Still Declining

It is amazing to me how fast this is happening! Well not really, we have been waiting for this to happen for 3 years! They did say this is how it would happen. There are nephrons that filter for the kidneys. As each one dies it puts more strain and pressure on the remaining. At some point it will be too much load on the remaining and they will all die at the same time. It appears this is what's happening.

She is just about bedridden at this point. She's not conscious very much anymore, She slept just about all day yesterday. When she is awake, it's not for long and she's just about not understandable, I had a hard time this morning. She has had no food since Monday night, just ice cubes.

No TV last night, no coloring for 3 nights!

No More Trips to the Bathroom!?

Well, sort of. Yesterday Nana kept stopping in the middle of the hallway and trying to give up going the rest of the way to the bathroom. I had to really talk her into getting all the way in there, she just wanted to give up. It just is so much work to move her body around. Up until now, I wasn't ready to give up that trip down the hall because it was her only exercise anymore. I just feel once she gives that up, her muscles are going to really deteriorate and she will be bedridden soon. She already was complaining her muscles hurt because she stopped walking around the house, coming into the kitchen and livingroom areas for short periods of time.

Well, after yesterday, I felt she was in danger of actually falling. I really can't hold her up, I can balance and steady her, but if she were to really buckle and give up, I'm afraid she would go down. So we gave in last night and set her up a bedside commode. I went out and got one of those office chair plastic pads to put under it and deodorized garbage bags to help contain the odor. So far so good.

It is better for her breathing not to make the long trek, but not so good on her muscles. She's more and more puffy and talks more and more slurred. Last night I think was the first time she didn't break out her coloring books and color. She didn't eat much yesterday either, I wouldn't even say but a 1/3 to 1/4 of one meal.

I'll try to keep you posted more often.

Love to you all!

Nana is still going downhill

Nana is still declining rapidly. Her heart rate is continuing to rise yesterday is was 132! Her blood pressure is dropping. Her breathing is getting more and more labored. We have her on 3 liters now and sometimes that's not enough. She can hardly move around without wheezing all over the place. The breathing treatments help but she still is working real hard to get enough air.

Her nurse is saying they don't expect her to bounce back this time. I guess only time will tell. She expects her to slip into a coma before she actually passes away. No one knows for sure how long this will go on, but I guess they think this is it.

They told me to tell people if you want to see/talk to her...Don't wait too long.